Below are the lists of guesses submitted by random people from the Internet. The winner is Allison Jones (alj@med.unr.edu), who, as promised, receives a six-pack of beer and whatever was behind my couch when I graduated, which includes a lost button, three pens, a paper clip, a few old pretzels, and a dust bunny. Congratulations Allie!

Guesses by year:

1996

• December 1996
  Robert Ratner (rsr@aimnet.com --- i.e. my Dad)

  "It's time to venture into the *real* world...."

• mid-1997
  Dave Ratner (i.e. me)

  "Hey! I can be optimistic, can't I?"

• June 1997
  Leslie Purvis

  "You have to get out in the real world sometime..."

• June 1997
  Rene (nikeonme@aol.com)

  "Darcy will make you hurry up and finish so that you can concentrate on her and her distributing systems"

• September 1997
  Annette Davies (Annette_Davies@3mail.3com.com)

  "You seem like a smart guy to me! So answer me this: Why is there always room for jello?"

• October 1997
  Diane Kartikadewi (kartikadewi@hotmail.com)

• November 1997
  Joey Gonzales (jrgonzales@kp.org)

  "David is getting married on November 8th and needs to finish by then or else!"

• December 1997
  Allie Jones (alj@med.unr.edu)

  "Your advisor will be so sick of you by then that he'll basically want to throw you out (with the degree of course!)"

• unspecified 1997
  Jenn Gurecki (jgurecki@trumpet.aix.calpoly.edu)

  "Who is Dave?"

• March 1998
  John Byers (byers@cs.berkeley.edu)

  "It's a few months after the big day. Congratulations by the way. It's impossible to graduate _before_ you get married, so I'll take my chances."

• May 1998
  Tom Cambisios (tcamb@sylvania.sev.org)

  "You will need money and a job by then -- the only reasons anyone ever leaves school."

• October 1998
  Dave Smentek (dsmentek@fc.hp.com)

  "Then again, what do I know? I bailed after getting my Masters."

• June 1999
  Geoff Kuenning (geoff@cs.ucla.edu)

  "No way you're graduating before me, bub."

• July 1999
  Larry Taylor (ltaylor@cs.ucla.edu)

  "I am giving you four years beyond candidacy, since I am now almost four years beyond candidacy myself. My advisor says that if it takes longer than *two* years, it's your own fault."

• 1999
  Mike Brendel (mikeb@sgi.com)

  "IMHO, graduate school is a test of endurance and stamina and not necessarily intelligence", although Mike admits that intelligence does help.

2001

• June 2001
  Tony DiRubbo (amdx2@aol.com)

  "Because UCLA provides a place for you to meet girls until you can go back to Cornell for the ten year hook fest..oops..I mean reunion"

• December 2001
  Joey Gonzales (jrgonzal@pediatrics.medsch.ucla.edu)

  "This was the farthest option I had for a year and month. Yo, right here man!"